These Are the Dogs in My Neighborhood (for Now)

June 17, 2012 § Leave a comment

We like dogs, the friendly kind moreso than the snarling, growling kind, particularly some of the dogs who live very nearby. They feel like familiar friends, just like the local kids, from the two-year-old two doors down who once followed me home, to the pre-teen who I found sobbing and hiding underneath a chair in the hallway one Saturday night.

Our dog neighbors run the spectrum, from the pricey purebreds to rescues. She’s pretty new, but we’ve started to run into a Shar-Pei, who always looks like she’s late for an important meeting. All business.

The first time we saw her, Scott squealed,
“Where are your ears?!”
The dog’s owner rolled his eyes.

And somewhere my brain, my synapses switched tracks so that my memory transformed this exchange to, “Where are your eyebrows?” and I have often chuckled at the memory because dogs? DOGS DON’T HAVE EYEBROWS BECAUSE ALL DOGS HAVE EYEBROWS. I brought this up recently and Scott pointed out my memory’s trick and that no, by the way, he isn’t an idiot. But still, whenever I think about dog eyebrows, I chuckle.

There’s also a standard black mutt, probably part German shepherd and part lab? Long hair, all black, as close as you can come to a wolf. One morning recently, Black Dog came around a corner in front of her owner, and I didn’t see the leash and I thought to myself:

Oh. This is how it ends for me.
But luckily split-seconds pass quickly, and the owner appeared and off he and Black Dog went, though Black Dog did look back at me and lick her lips, and I know she was thinking Yes, you do look delicious.

My favorite dog is Ginger. I don’t actually know anymore if her name is really Ginger, or if my brain just decided that she looks like a Ginger so she must be a Ginger (and I think I’ve already demonstrated that lately, my memory is a little unreliable, though I’m not quite Leonard Shelby, yet). She’s all greyhound, long spindly legs and pointy nose.

We also call her The Supermodel.
She’s leggy.
She’s thin.
She prances.
All that’s missing is a designer bag and a famous boyfriend.

The best part about The Supermodel a.k.a. Ginger is I can wind her up. From down the hall, or across the parking lot, a quick side-to-side shake of my head, and Ginger’s head cocks and her muscles coil. From that far away, she’s alert enough to know that I WANT TO PLAY. Sadly, I don’t think her owners would be cool with me wrestling her to the ground, as much as I want to.

The hard thing about living vertically is that the dogs come and go without warning. There was a pug before, and a Pomeranian, and one day both were just gone. When that happens, I’ll be a bit sad, because I’m emotionally attached to The Supermodel.

Now I Can Tell You: When Kumquats Were a Hot Topic

June 15, 2012 § 2 Comments

Every week when I notch another week on the seemingly size XXXXXXXL pregnancy belt (seriously, this thing is neverending and I’m barely halfway), I get the BabyCenter newsletter, which for a certain period of time, became the highlight of the week. On this particular week, which is now many weeks ago, it said the following.

Your Pregnancy: 10 Weeks
Though he’s barely the size of a kumquat — a little over an inch or so long, crown to bottom — and weighs less than a quarter of an ounce, your baby has now completed the most critical portion of his development… — From Baby Center

A few minutes later, I noticed this thread on Facebook:

What Is a Kumquat?

Frankly, I didn’t know either.

It was really hard not to comment: ONE OF THOSE IS INSIDE ME.

Which, in retrospect, would have been really confusing to people, and really awesome.

Oh, but I Beg to Differ!

June 14, 2012 § 1 Comment

I Have a Staring Problem.

June 8, 2012 § 1 Comment

I’ve been taking long, rambling walks lately.

(My list of available hobbies and activities has slimmed considerably.)

And, I can’t help it: I find myself staring.
At nearly everyone.
My mind is strangely clear and focused, and yet jumbled by distractions, and I look at you and I stare for too long.

You, you in the sharp navy dress, tottering in your sky-high black platform pumps. You look so pulled together! I wonder where you got that dress. Do you have a meeting? Do you dress that fashionably every day? Doesn’t it get exhausting? Do your feet hurt? Your hair color is perfect.

You, you girls in your workout capris and your black and neon pink Nikes and your silky straight ponytail. You’ve got that post-workout glow, and look slim and toned and adorable! Did you take yoga? Bootcamp? I hope bootcamp. Bootcamp is so fun. All those burpees! You’re so lucky!!

You, you men sipping beers and smoking cigarettes. Oh, you lucky bastards don’t have a care in the world, do you? Nothing about your daily routine has drastically changed recently, has it? And it never will!! I might scowl at you a little bit.

You, mom with the baby in the stroller. You don’t look exhausted. Aren’t you supposed to look exhausted? You look cute! How old is that baby? Four months? Eight months? I have no idea. What kind of stroller is that? Quinny, huh? And the diaper bag, maybe I’ll just try to peek at what’s in it. No, no. I’m not a thief. Just overly curious. Pampers, huh?

You, little girl in the pink flowered pants riding the razor scooter. Were you born in all-natural ways, or did it come to a C-section? When did you start sleeping through the night? Do you even sleep through the night yet? OH MY GOSH, YOU BETTER.

Don’t punch me. I’m not trying to steal from you.

I’m just curious, feeling new envy about my old ways, and chewing on new thoughts and new questions about my new ways.

Wherein We Prove That ANY Footage Seems Exciting if You Set It to “No Church in the Wild.”

May 25, 2012 § 1 Comment

So everyone calm down about “The Great Gatsby” trailer now, right?

Stupid Things I’ve Done Since Getting Pregnant

May 17, 2012 § 2 Comments

I’ve heard countless pregnant friends and their spouses talk about “Pregnancy Brain,” the loopy, distracted state that many moms-to-be find themselves frequently beset by. I assumed it was a bunch of bullshit.

It’s real and I was a fool to ever question it.

No. 1
Took a pregnancy test a day for five straight days because I wasn’t buying it.
Fine, six.

No. 3
“Is it weather outside?”
–When I meant to ask if it was snowing.

No. 7
Wiped my butt with makeup-removing wipes instead of one of those Cottonelle wipes. It wasn’t fun. In retrospect, I should never have put them in the exact same spot just one drawer above each other.

No. 10
Got misty during the trailer for What to Expect When You’re Expecting. Two days later, sobbed uncontrollably during the climax of Tower Heist because they were up REALLY high and I’m really afraid of heights, and THEY WEREN’T BEING CAREFUL ENOUGH. Scott actually had to fast-forward to the ending to get me to stop crying.

No. 13
(Watching pre-Super Tuesday coverage)
Me: I haven’t been following the election at all.
Scott: Do you want me to catch you up?
Me: I guess.
Scott: charliebrownparentsRomneycharliebrownparentsGingrichcharliebrownparentsSantorumcharliebrownparents
Me: (pointing to TV) And what about that Peter Alexander guy? What’s his deal?
Scott: Ummm. He’s an NBC reporter covering the election.

No. 17
Me: Is John Carter some sort of Terminator prequel or something? I don’t get it.
Scott: (long pause) You’re thinking of John Connor.
Me: So … he’s like Linda Hamilton’s cousin?
Scott: (exaggerated sigh) It has nothing to do with the Terminator movies.

No. 19
Shoplifted from Starbucks. It was an accident!! I bought a coffee and a bag of those crack-like glazed almonds to have for a snack later in the day. Later in the day, when I went to pull them out of my purse, I found two bags instead of one. Oops.

No. 21
Repeatedly complained about how cold I was, asked Scott to turn up heat three times. Only then did I realize that I was resting on top of a pile of blankets instead of underneath it.

No. 23
(Watching ESPN and a news report flashes on the screen: “Sudden Death at Augusta”)
Me: Oh no, who died?!?
Scott: (maniacal laughter)

No. 25
(Watching ‘Moneyball.’ Five minutes into the movie, I hit pause.)
Me: Um, I have a question. Is this movie … about baseball?
Scott: (falls on floor from laughing so hard)
Me: I thought it was about gambling?

Miami 2012 Memories

May 13, 2012 § 1 Comment

When I look back in six months and wonder how I gained so much pregnancy weight, this post will come in handy. Miami in May was the result of quite a few new lbs.

Miami Bayside Sunset

We stayed on the bay side this trip, away from the hustle, bustle and bars of Ocean Drive. We were rewarded with gorgeous sunsets like this, which Scott enjoyed in person and I enjoyed in this photograph because the bed was soooooo comfy.

The best meal we had on this trip was at Yardbird Southern Table, which (as you might guess from the name) is dedicated to Southern staples like chicken and waffles, grits, collard greens, that sort of gorgeous food.

Yardbird Macaroni and Cheese

The delicious, amazing macaroni and cheese at Yardbird. I fell in love not just with this dish, but with the whole restaurant, where our server didn’t blink an eye when I asked for a big glass of milk to drink with my dessert. (We shared a communal table with two beefy guys, who gave each other raised eyebrows when my dinner turned out to be mac and cheese followed by s’mores pie and milk for dessert. It was all I could do to not shout, “Are either of you growing a human?”)

Yardbird BLT

The BLT at Yardbird; fried green tomatoes, pork belly, homemade pimento cheese. Scott ate this, and reported that it was delicious. The fetus and I report that it was “suspicious.” (I’m sure it was delicious. Pretty much everything looks/smells suspicious to me right now, except Pop-Tarts.) Interestingly, Yardbird is the creation of a ‘Top Chef,” which we did not know at the time, but maybe we cool it on the TV chef stalking, huh?

Montecarlo Star Pizza From Giotto

Pizza is also reliably delicious, especially this — the Montecarlo Star Pizza from Giotto. Those edges were filled with ricotta and pepperoni. It was difficult to only eat one of these, and not go back here for lunch every day of the trip.

Miami Sunny Day

The weather was reliably gorgeous. Sunny, in the 80s, no humidity, with a thunderstorm every day around 4 p.m., except for our last day there, when it rained all afternoon, so we went to see ‘Avengers’, during which I ate too much popcorn combined with a Tylenol, resulting in a stomach ache and some tears.

Sprinkles Six-Pack

Normally we take cabs to and from the airport, but this trip, we drove and parked in economy just so we could pop into Georgetown for Sprinkles Cupcakes before we went home-home. For the record, Friday is the best day to stop by Sprinkles, as both Chai Latte (the blue dot) and Lemon (the flowers) are available. Also present are Red Velvet and Salty Caramel (the best short-term flavor, ever). These have made for excellent breakfast treats throughout Mother’s Day weekend.