My Guess: Sixties. Widower. Adorable. Behind on Laundry.

January 23, 2011 § 5 Comments

If you have ever put your shopping list down in the grocery store and walked off without it, there’s a very good chance I’m the person who picked it up later.

I can’t help it.

It’s the grocery-store equivalent of driving at dusk and being able to peek into living rooms before curtains have been drawn. Maybe it’s a little bit creepy, but glimpses into the regular, personal, everyday moments of strangers’ lives are precious to me (plus I really love seeing how other people decorate their houses). It’s the storyteller in me; it’s food for my imagination.

When I found this list in Giant today — left on the top of a pile of Duraflame logs — I burst out laughing.

Butter

We have to buy butter almost every week. Scott eats more butter than any human alive — his English muffins in the morning look like cereal bowls, built to hold two fraternal twin seas of butter. Whoever lost this list is a kindred spirit to my husband.

Any idea what the third item on the list is? Gas bottles?

Things My Husband Must Be (Rightfully) Sick of Hearing at This Point

May 13, 2009 § 4 Comments

Baby, can you bring me … (Percocets, a pillow, ice, a magazine, the remote, a glass of water, my laptop, a book, etc.)?

If you have a sec, will you … (Go get the mail, make me food, change the cats’ water, etc.)?

Will you help me (put my pants on, wash my feet, get in the shower, get out of the shower, etc.)?

Can I have a ride to … (the surgeon’s office, physical therapy, the movies, work, home, etc.)?

Chris Pine is so fucking hot.

Other Things There Will Be, In Addition to Blood

January 9, 2008 § 1 Comment

Refreshments
No Horseplay
A Sense of Impending Doom
Minor Delays
After-Holiday Sales
A Representative On Hand to Answer Your Questions
An End to This
A Brief Pause While We Transfer Your Call
Light
No Dessert Unless You Finish Your Carrots, Mister
Consequences

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