For You There’s Not Any Warning

July 9, 2008 § 2 Comments

I probably shouldn’t admit this in such a public forum (oh, hi, my full real name), but I have misbehaved this past week, and I must confess.

I have been picking and choosing which stop signs and traffic signals I will obey.

There are two atrociously wasteful stop signs near our place, and one near work, and I treat both with a quick glance and a nice little roll.

There is also a stoplight outside our building that I hate — it cycles only every four minutes, so I’m fucked if I miss it, and it’s the only route out — I have run that one twice this week. There’s another one near the office that I’ve run once.

Yes, I feel guilty, but yet, all of these light-runnings have happened before 6:30 a.m., and there was not a single car on the road in any direction. (Actually, that’s a lie; one time there was a commuter van behind me, but, WHATEVER commuter van — you’re just too CHICKEN to run a light. [Quick, everyone do a Bluth chicken impersonation! Cock-a-cock-a-cock-a-cock!]) And, also, I don’t feel bad about the stop signs. I look. I have good reflexes. Plus, I am trying to hypermile (30.1 MPG! Up from 29.7! Woo!). And, there should be some kind of forum where regular people can point out how fucking idiotic it is to have a stop sign on a one-lane road with no intersections.

OK, I know. I’m a self-important asshole. And I know I’m going to get caught. I will tell you when I do and it will make a nice story, and I won’t fight it in traffic court, as long as I’m really guilty. And I will tell you when I start robbing banks and bilking the Vatican out of millions, because I know traffic light disobediance is a just gateway crime.

§ 2 Responses to For You There’s Not Any Warning

  • Ben says:

    I’m with you! There is one light in particular that I run quite frequently due to it being entirely unnecessary and long.

    Traffic lights drive me nuts. They’re never timed right, so you’re just sitting there wasting time & gas. Well, I’m not wasting gas anymore since I’ve started turning off the engine at lights, but they’re still annoying.

  • Ben says:

    They should all be replaced with traffic circles!

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