Adam Levine Really Loves Himself

June 10, 2007 § 3 Comments

I can’t deny that I find Adam Levine, the lead singer of Maroon 5, remarkably attractive. The thing is, though, that he’s the type of guy who knows he’s attractive, which makes him unnattractive to me … but not entirely.


Sometimes I hear lyrics from his songs, and I remember that the name of the band is Maroon 5, and not Maroon 1, and then I start wondering what the other four guys think when he starts singing things like

Sweet kiwi / Your juices dripping down my chin


I touch myself like it’s somebody else

I mean. He sings these things standing in a recording studio with four other dudes. Probably more than four other dudes. It sounds to me like a Saturday Night Live skit waiting to happen.

Maroon 2: “Uh, Adam. No offense buddy, but it makes my uncomfortable when you sing with your pants unzipped.”
Maroon 3: “Adam! Adam! Bad! Ugh … someone get a box of tissues!”
Maroon 4: “Seriously, asshole, we get it.”
Maroon 5: “Dude — not cool. I mean, my mom’s here today. Seriously. Dude. ZIP UP YOUR PANTS.”

§ 3 Responses to Adam Levine Really Loves Himself

  • Naughty Heather says:


    I love it!

  • Bru says:

    Bwah! Although I think One Maroon better describes Adam. I think Adam is secretly thrilled that Ryan had to leave, because that means he’s now without question the hottest Maroon.

    I agree with you – he’s a smarmy, skeevy ass, but I’d still do him. And “Kiwi” is my crack.

  • Jiant says:

    very interesting, I am impressed with your article writing!

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