Live Blogging: The Search for the Next Pussycat Doll

March 27, 2007 § 1 Comment

I’m not going to lie: I’ve seen two episodes of this show. And in both, there were so many moments when I wished I had had the energy to live blog it. So tonight, tonight I live blog. Mock me as much as you wish; this show is friggin’ hilarious.

Here we go.

9:01: Redhead-Wannabe-Kirsten-Dunst girl is crying because she didn’t get kicked off last week. Huh? She’s also excited to show off her creativity. We haven’t seen what she’s capable of yet! FYI, she said the same thing the past two weeks, too. She sucks.

9:02: Scott says, “These girls seem so freaking young.” I concur.

9:06: It’s time to pick teams for kickball, I mean, kick men in the balls. (The Pussycat Dolls are all about empowerment, right?) Uh oh. Looks like Redhead-Wannabe-Kirsten-Dunst is getting picked last …

9:07: Redhead-Wannabe-Kirsten-Dunst makes first catty statement.

9:08: The remaining girls separate into groups to practice their songs. The theme this week is disco. I’ve never heard of either of the songs assigned to the groups, but the girls all seem thrilled. Inexperienced Girl in Slutty Red Top asks what “the bridge” is. I don’t know what it is, either, but the other girls in her group seem concerned about this. I’m not sure why. She clearly knows what a “push-up bra” is. Isn’t that what’s important?

9:10: Scott leaves for his hockey game. I’m shocked that he doesn’t want to stay and watch this with me. And, more important, I’m disappointed, because his job was going to be to keep a running count of ‘Like-s’ — maybe next week.

9:11: Redhead-Wannabe-Kirsten-Dunst makes catty comment No. 2. Apparently Group Leader Asia is doing a bad job. After all, she is “ascared” of being the leader. This is the future of America. This is why the terrorists hate us.

9:13: The PussyKittens eat dinner.

9:13:34: I spill an almost-empty glass of wine. No good can come of this.

9:13:56: Redhead-Wannabe-Kirsten-Dunst makes her third catty comment: “Asia dances like a drag queen.” Asia is piiiiiissed. Meanwhile, I’m confused. Isn’t that kind of the point of being a Pussycat Doll?

9:14: God bless commercials. Thanks to TiVo, I’m a few minutes behind and thanks to being clumsy, I’m out of wine.

9:17: Asia is really hurt about Redhead-Wannabe-Kirsten-Dunst’s comment. And tattles to the Pussycat Dolls “founder,” who is completely unsympathetic. Crying count: 1. There’s a message here, everyone: Don’t be afraid to express yourselves! Particularly if it involves short shorts! And bras with jeans!

9:20: Asia/Redhead-Wannabe-Kirsten-Dunst hold a group meeting. Asia’s biggest fear is fighting. Redhead-Wannabe-Kirsten-Dunst says, “We’re all adults now. This isn’t high school.” Ha! Ha! Ha! They’re all 19. Redhead-Wannabe-Kirsten-Dunst says, “It’s hard being the oldest.” Ha! Ha! Ha! Redhead-Wannabe-Kirsten-Dunst says, “I feel so stupid!” HA! HA! HA! I don’t even know what she’s talking about at this point. But it’s funny. Crying count: 2.

9:23: I absolutely cannot wait to see ‘Blades of Glory.’ Jenna Fischer and Will Arnett in one movie = Meredith heaven.

9:24: Team Asia/Redhead-Wannabe-Kirsten-Dunst do some rehearsing. The writing is SO on the wall for Redhead-Wannabe-Kirsten-Dunst — every suggestion she makes gets shot down. I can’t wait to see the breakdown she has on stage after the performance — the tear count will jump dramatically.

9:25: Pussycat Dolls “founder” tells the PussyKittens to “dress sexy!” for rehearsal. Pussycat Doll Ashley appears. She’s the “bombshell” of the group. Because she’s blonde, apparently. Or maybe she knows a lot about building shoebombs!

9:27: I spent two minutes looking in the mirror at the back of my throat because Pussycat Doll Ashley said there’s a Pussycat Doll inside every woman. I looked and looked, but I don’t see mine. Maybe I left her at work? Or in 1989?

9:28: A bunch of Brahs show up to dance with the Pussykittens, who haven’t seen guys in, like, forever!

9:29: This guy-girl challenge was supposed to be interesting, I think, but instead it’s super boring. Redhead-Wannabe-Kirsten-Dunst says, “This [challenge] isn’t just about sex.” Ha! Ha! Ha!

9:30: Redhead-Wannabe-Kirsten-Dunst kills at the boy-girl dance competition. Suddenly I kind of like her.

9:31: Asia and her boy dance. Redhead-Wannabe-Kirsten-Dunst says, “She still dances like a drag queen.”

9:32: I don’t really know who these other contestants are. But one incorporates a pole. And another pair actually kiss. Scandalous! How DARE they?!

9:33: The Pussycat Dolls “founder” thinks she’s tricky by saying “You!” win the contest and looking at everyone. Some Mariela girl wins. Redhead-Wannabe-Kirsten-Dunst is clearly pissed.

9:35: It’s performance day. Holy crap. Isn’t it time for a commercial? Or time for this show to be over? Zzzzzzzz.

9:36: Uh oh. Team Chelsea had the choreography, but they suddenly lost it! All signs point to Mariela, who doesn’t need to deliver a strong performance thanks to winning immunity.

9:38: Yay! A commercial! I can’t wait for this to be over!

9:44: Oh, that’s right. I forgot to mention. Mark McGrath — yes, Mark McGrath of Sugar Ray — is the emcee of the competitions. I never thought I’d say nice things about Ryan Seacrest, but Mark McGrath is essentially a photocopy of a photocopy of Ryan Seacrest, only the photocopy of the photocopy fell out of your purse and someone ran it over eight times with their H2, and then pigeons crapped all over it, and then you had to make more photocopies of the photocopy. Do you get what I mean? Mark. McGrath. Sucks.

9:45: Mark McGrath introduces Lil Kim. Talk about polar opposites … Kim is the real deal. Last week, she was telling Redhead-Wannabe-Kirsten-Dunst about having to give recording 100 percent, and she said something like, “I mean, I had to go to prison!” Lil Kim is bad-friggin-ass.

9:46: Pussycat Dolls “founder” reminds us all that tonight’s theme is creativity. Be fearless and have fun! I’ve officially had too much wine.

9:47: Team Chelsea performs some disco song I don’t know. Their pants are shiny. Are those Spandex? Lycra? Aluminum foil? I can’t think about or focus on anything else. Lil Kim is watching them perform, stone-faced. This is a bad, right? Kim went to prison, Pussykittens — the least you can do is make her smile!

9:48: Pussycat Dolls “founder” liked it. Lil Kim seemed to like it, despite the stone face. No-Name Recording Exec seemed to like it. Must’ve been the pants.

9:49: Team Asia/Redhead-Wannabe-Kirsten-Dunst is up with some other disco song I don’t know. Oh! This song suddenly sounds familiar. Lil Kim is smiling. No-Name Recording Exec looks bored. Oh crap, I wonder who’s getting kicked off ‘Dancing With the Stars’ right now.

Time out! (Oh no! This is bullshit! Paula Poriznikaovistanopolous CANNOT go home. She’s so humble! And sweet and wholesome and natural and clumsy! Oh, wait, yes she can. What BS.)

9:58: I screwed up the TiVo somehow with all my skipping around, and I accidentally lost the last two minutes of the show. Ha! Ha! HA! It turns out the joke’s on me! I have no idea who got kicked off. And I can’t find anything on Google. And my laptop battery is dying. And, most important, I’m lazy!

10:00: I suck at life. But, I’m hooked. I’ll be back for more next week. With Scott, A.K.A. Tech Support and ‘Like’ Counter.

Final Score: PussyKittens – 1, Meredith – 0.

Update: Redhead-Wannabe-Kirsten-Dunst (whose name is Sisley, apparently) was the one kicked off. As if I couldn’t have guessed that.

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