From the Archives: Remember When Scott Sort-Of Broke My Jaw? (October 5, 2003)

March 18, 2007 § Leave a comment

[It’s important that you watch this commercial, all the way to the end, before you read this post, otherwise this story will make no sense.]

Sunday morning, 9:15 a.m.: Scott and I begin imitating Raoul Bova’s flop-on-the-bed routine from the above Gap ad.

Sunday morning, 9:30 a.m.: Scott and I are on our way to the emergency room after I, unsuccessfully, for reasons that are impossibly to explain, tried to grab the back pocket of his jeans while he was mid-flop. I missed the pocket and instead his heel smashed into my chin. I can’t close or open my mouth and we know immediately there’s some jaw issue. I am crying a bit but mostly laughing at the utter ridiculousness of the situation, though both cause extreme pain and it’s best if I not speak and show no facial expression.

Sunday, 10:30 a.m., 11:17 a.m., 2:34 p.m.: We are humiliated but amused by nurses and doctors asking “How did this happen” and further questioning along the lines of “Was this domestic violence?” At one point a nurse sequesters me away from Scott to ask “Honey did he hit you?” and I’m laughing as I try to explain that it was just horseplay. It was all Rauol Bova’s fault!

Sunday, 3:30 p.m.: We emerge from the hospital with a diagnosis of “almost but not quite dislocated”, follow-ups scheduled with oral surgeons, prescriptions for painkillers and steroids, xrays, and instructions to eat only a liquid/soft diet for two weeks.

Sunday, 3:45 p.m. I burst into tears while attempting to eat mashed potatoes.

[Today: My jaw still cracks when I chew, because I never went to see that oral surgeon to have it realigned. Also, our obsession with Raoul Bova pretty much ended that day, which is a shame, because according to IMDB, he’s since been in AVP and What About Brian, both of which I’ve heard are way awesome.]

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