Everyone’s a Winner, We’re Making the Fame

I got a mani-pedi after work on Thursday; I’ve been wanting to try a new salon because my regular one has possibly the worst selection of polish colors ever — I always end up buying my own, which then increases the overall amount of money that I’m pissing away on what I have convinced myself [...]

I’m Rushing Home to See Your Smiling Face and Then Your Warm Embrace That Makes Me Feel So G-G-Good

There is absolutely nothing to eat in our house right now.
His joke: Our cabinet is so bare, it should be stealing picnic baskets.
My joke: Our cupboard is so bare, it should be spread-eagle in Playboy.
I win.

Do This Thing, This Type of Thing

In the summer, the sun comes up earlier and I wake up earlier. School is out so I can leave the house a little earlier; normally I have to wait out dropoffs at the nearby high school before I can leave the house. Schedules are a little looser and pressure is a little lighter, so [...]

“Whenever He Says, ‘Girlfriend, Here’s a Pen, Call Me ‘Round 10′ I Picture Him THROWING the Pen at Her”

Internet, I had a lovely 4th of July weekend. It was full of dancing (not my finest dancing, but, still, dancing, which I haven’t done any of since March), silliness, and fun. I haven’t been quite myself recently — insomnia has sprung up — but it was exactly what I needed to get back to [...]

I Need It Because I Want to Make Iced Coffee at Home

Me: Do we have a cheesecloth?
Him: I’m not really sure what that is.
Me: Me either.
Him: Is it an unmarried woman?

Nothing Could Bring Me Closer, Nothing Could Bring Me Near*

Today at work, I limped to the vending machines. I’m allowed to take a few unassisted steps a day and today I decided to spend them on a bag of Sun Chips and a bottled water. I had two crisp dollar bills in my pocket.
I went for the Sun Chips first. Dollar in, B6, and [...]

What I’ve Been Doing Since January

I feel guilty about my three-month blog absence, so I am going to explain where I went after January 19.
Scott’s birthday is February 3. The three weeks in between that time, I spent on his birthday gift, which, since it comes so quickly after our anniversary and Christmas, is kind of a bite in the [...]

Clearly, I Am a Master of Toast

A few weeks ago, Scott asked for my help picking a speech topic — apparently, for some reason, he joined his office’s Toastmasters group, which meets over lunch every Wednesday, and it was his turn to make his introductory talk.
I made three suggestions, and the first two received extreme eyerolls:
1. The cats.
2. Hockey.
3. Our 2008 [...]

When You Got (the Opposite of) a Sentimental Heart, OR I Might Be Ill, Please Tell Me I’m Not

‘Do you ever have those moments in life … When you, like, catch yourself in a moment … and you’re saying, wait, I’m happy here in the moment?’
–Ben Stiller, Reality Bites
That line stuck with me when I first saw ‘Reality Bites’ in college — I feel like it stuck with a lot of people I [...]

Feeling Threatened by Our Cooing Over OMGKitty.com …

Indiana Mousekowitz turned the volume on the cute button up to “mind blowing.”