Shampoo Solo

In reference to This: You can open up ports 5353 and 3689 as often as you want, but if you’ve got TWO FIREWALLS running, your Apple TV isn’t going to sync, no matter what.

It’s loading up file 4 of 4,133 right now … fingers crossed, this shit will be working by morning.

About three weeks ago, I bought an Apple TV, because I wanted to be able to listen to my music in the living room, and this seemed like the most sensical solution. Last week, I bought a laptop for home music and writing. I spent a day transferring my iTunes library onto new laptop. All songs are presented, accounted for, authorized, and synced to the iPod; this was no small feat.

And then I felt ready to tackle the Apple TV set up. Right now, the things I am considering doing with my Apple TV are as follows:

• Throw off balcony
• Light on fire
• Smash with hammer
• Pee on

I have never been more frustrated by a piece of technology in my life. (I’m not a super geek or anything but, you would think I would be able to set up a nice and easy plug-and-play Apple device.) Still, no matter what I do, it registers a port 3689 error. NO MATTER WHAT. I have opened port 3689. I have opened port 5353. I have uninstalled and reinstalled iTunes. I have disconnected the Apple TV from the TV and tried syncing that way. NOTHING WORKS.

The most annoying thing is that I’m not the only person having this issue — it’s not that I’m just dumb (for once) and it’s not that I’m now running the craptacular Vista OS, either — the Apple support forums are filled with people running Leopard who are having THE EXACT SAME PROBLEM.

I wish I hadn’t thrown the box away. I wish I could return this piece of shit. I HATE YOU APPLE TV. Seriously, I want to cry just thinking about all the time I’ve spent trying to set this thing up. I’m going to have to call in the motherfucking Geek Squad soon. THE MOTHERFUCKING GEEK SQUAD.

I feel slightly better now.

Total Vomits: 15-20
Hours Spent in ER: 6 (My second trip in a little more than two months.)
Diagnosis: Viral stomach bug with severe dehydration (I was taking a sip of water and then THROWING UP A SIP OF WATER. And chugging water so I could throw up the chugged water, and feel better for 5 seconds.)
IV Bags Before Rehydration Successful: 2
Large Bottles of Gatorade Consumed: 35
Sore Parts of Body: Neck, throat, back, shoulders, chest, stomach, teeth. The teeth, the teeth … the worst of all.
Movies Watched: 1 (I love Matt Damon.)
Fears About Health Care Bills To Come: Oppressive
Episodes of ‘Cashmere Mafia’ Watched: 2
Times DVR Was Stopped, Switched to ‘Erase,’ Then Turned Back to ‘Cashmere’: 4
Average Hours of Sleep Per Night: 10
Average Length of Standard Nap: 2 hours
Size of Indentation on Couch: HUGE
Times I’ve Illed On Long Weekends: COUNTLESS

The wedding machinery is starting to churn. (The date is December 8, for anyone who [quite understandable] lost track in the 14 months since we got engaged.) I’m already starting to looking forward to December 9, when all this planning and crafting and researching will be finished and I can focus on being married and taking tennis lessons. Until then, though, there’s a good chance the majority of my posts will be wedding focused; if you’re not into that kind of scene, see you on December 9!

Anyway. Today we went to Men’s Wearhouse and got some college kid to reluctantly help us — he had Marketing 228 homework to do, folks. During the course of our time there, which was brief because we’d already cased the store and picked out what we wanted, he managed to personally insult us with the following:

1. Called our wedding “boring” when we decided on a very simple black-white color combination for the tuxes. Um. Excuse me? Scott quickly jumped in and corrected him — “Actually, it’s classic, not boring” — before I could summon up the proper order of profanities to explain that we’re not (motherfucking) teal blue kind of people (you ignorant douchebag).

2. Told Scott “Oh, so you’re the cheap bastard” when he said he’d be the beneficiary of the rent-four-get-one-free tux special. Um. Excuse me? Again Scott jumped in quickly and corrected him — pointing out that we had plenty of wedding-related expenses and it wasn’t like getting a free tux was actually making the whole thing affordable. Again, I was flabbergasted and caught flat-footed, gathering my profanities. (Not to mention — does anyone give that free tux away, ever? You can’t, you just can’t. I’m afraid it would come across as “We didn’t think you could afford it,” not to mention that you don’t want Best Man A casually mentioning to Best Man B that “Oh my tux was free — yours wasn’t?” You just can’t.

What a punk. (And yes, I get that he was trying to be funny and build rapport, at least with the bastard comment — but failing.)

We totally would’ve and probably should’ve walked out of the store and gone somewhere else except, wedding planning? Total pain in the ass. However, calling Men’s Wearhouse and complaining about crap employee? Easy. And done.

I. Want. These. Shoes.

I actually have the exact same version sitting here next to me right at this very moment, but in white — I ordered them on Zappos last night (free overnight shipping!) thinking they might be good for the wedding, but they just don’t work for weddings. They do work for everyday summer, though.

In what might be the biggest pump-fake ever, it looks like Amazon has them, but, in fact, they don’t. They have blue and orange and white and black and red but not yellow, even though yellow is the featured image on the page and the featured image in the search results.

And I can’t find them anywhere else online.

Woe.
Sadness.
Woe.

Lately, I’ve been trying to stop complaining about the following four things (I was inspired by an article I read somewhere, not online, but for the life of me I can’t remember where):

1. Traffic
2. The weather
3. How tired I am
4. How much work I have to do

(I considered adding No. 5: My weight as well, but I was afraid I’d turn into a mute.)

I’m hoping that taking them out of my daily litany of topics will somehow make me a happier and more interesting person. So far, it’s been really hard, and I’ve slipped a lot — mostly on No. 3, mostly because of Daylight Savings Time. Enough of winter had finally passed so we were at the point where it was sort-of-almost-maybe light in the mornings, and now it’s back to pitch black when the alarm goes off. Screw. You. DST.

On a completely unrelated note, I would kill for a bag of Tostitos right now.

Things I Have Been Able to Do Today, My First Day of Taking NV Beauty Weight Loss Pill, That I Am Ordinarily Not Able to Do*

Not eat
Not eat
Not eat
Not eat
Not eat
Not sleep

*I am not actually taking any diet pills, Mom.