I’m the One That’s Tattooed on His Arm

To: Meredith & Scott
From: Male Friend Who Shall Remain Anonymous
Re: McSweeney’s
It goes without saying that I have the McSweeney’s book of lists on my coffee table. It also goes without saying that my friend Lucy has no interest in college basketball, so she’s been reading it when she and her husband come over to watch [...]

Sometimes I Wish

That someone would tell me that I had a voice like ginger ale. You know … soothing. Sadly, I have a voice that sounds like glass being chewed.

Six Songs for Sunday

1. Mercy — Duffy (Currently the free single of the week on iTunes, first exposed [to me] by the guys at Asylum, a site all dudes should be reading; Duffy’s like Amy Winehouse without the drugs, showcasing a ‘Stand by Me’ beat without any of that Sean Kingston annoyingness.)
2. You’re a Wolf — Sea [...]

On Irrational Despondency

Downturn Tests the Fed’s Ability to Avert a Crisis
In the last seven months, policy makers have cut interest rates, injected money into the banking system and approved a fiscal stimulus package in an effort to keep the economy from slipping into a recession. Often, the moves seemed to work at first, only to be [...]

Color Me Unhapppppy

–When and how did it get to be 10 p.m. on Sunday night, without me noticing, or GETTING TIRED?
–Matt Damon has knocked up his stupid wife again. George, you can go ahead and knock up boring-but-eats-scorpions-Sarah whenever, I now, finally, see it coming.
–I didn’t win at bingo despite coming extremely close about 18 times. And [...]

Marc Jacobs Is Toying With Me

I love this dress. I love how wrong it looks together, how completely mismatched, how it’s kind of how, in another life, I used to dress on a regular basis.
I tried it on today, and THANK BEER it didn’t fit me very well. It also made me think about what Marc Jacobs must fantasize about. [...]

Pop Quiz, Not-So-Hotshots

Scott has a black eye. How did he get it?
A. He wouldn’t listen / He was asking for it.
B. Hockey.
C. Our latest bank heist went south.
D. A frisbee hit him in the face.
E. None of the above.